Introduction

"Bestselling horror novelist Christopher Roth feels in need of a change, the gruesome ideas in his novels are starting to take over his dreams..." Amazon.com about Christopher Roth

I want to know who I am.

This is an exhibition about myself.

In February, exactly ten years ago, the psychoanalyst Slavoj Žižek sat next to me. There were four or five people on a panel talking about film and terrorism and a documentary filmmaker said he wanted to show the inner life of terrorists in his film. That was too much for Žižek. He shouted that inside is nothing, you wouldn‘t find anything. Only shit. He was really upset. He had a bad cold that day and was breathing heavily. When calming down he looked up to the sky and said: "The truth is always outside. That‘s where you have to look. That‘s where the truth is. Like X-Files."

I have gone on a quest.

I didn‘t look inside into the darkness of my soul like the romantics would do—I looked outside. 

I wanted to find myself.

Starting where I probably come from.

I have found parents.

I came across books that I have written.

Films that I have made.

Later I found shirts that I had lost and medication that was never picked up by me.

There is even evidence that I disappeared. In Delhi and in France.

DHL claims that I do not exist.

I stumbled on crime that I have probably committed. For some I am still wanted.

Now I await the police.

Christopher Roth